When I was a little younger, my birthdays made me feel anxious and uneasy. I guess it’s called birthday blues. Perhaps the cause of these surfaced emotions is that I knew that my birthdays wouldn’t be as awesome as I hoped for it to be. There were hidden longings and wishes that wouldn’t come true because I knew already what to expect from people. I had gone through these and it was depressing every time but when I reached 25 up (not sure really) slowly I learned how to manage these blues and thankfully I don’t remember the last one I had birthday blues. It was when I realized that there are more important things on this earth than my comfort and wants, more important that receiving gifts on a birthday and making me feel special. How insignificant I am when I look at God’s whole creation. The moment I shifted my gaze from my selfish desires to the heart of God, I begun to know Him and acknowledge that I don’t live for myself but for God, that every birthday is not about me making me happy but it’s all about God, making Him happy for He made me so unique and special. So I’ve intentionally made God the center of my celebrations and put Him above my desire and wants. Amazingly my birthday blues have turned to birthday blessings. Praise Jesus!
With God the Father in mind as my Maker, I did the following things to celebrate the God’s faithfulness in my life.
Pray and Fast
My friend Bjean and I took a short trip to the countryside to pray and to fast. We stayed in the cabin for two nights and I really loved the cold weather. It was my first time to do praying and fasting though I made few attempts in the past yet failed. I didn’t bring food except crackers and water and it amazed me how I survived the 2 days without any meal. I believed it was all by the grace of God and His strength that helped me endure those days without food. God was very willing to help me accomplish the task that I committed unto Him and He was faithful until the end of my prayer and fasting. God is so amazing. The night before we’d gone out of town, God gave me revelation about the brotherly unity in prayer and fasting in Psalm 133:3 which says that harmony is a refreshing as the dew from Mt Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing, even life everlasting. There is power in unity of prayer. God also led me to an old widow who never left the Temple but stayed there day and night, worshiping God with fasting and prayer. (Luke 2:36-37) Also that night, the enemy attacked me with so many lies and negativity through people. I almost wanted to cancel it because my heart was so heavy and discouraged. Perhaps, it was a message for me that Satan didn’t want me to pursue prayer and fasting because he knew the great power it holds for the children of God who earnestly seek their Heavenly Father. The Lord fought for me that night when I couldn’t stand up against the enemy. The Lord enabled me and equipped me to go on with the plan. And as always, God is victorious over the enemy as so was I. To God be the glory. When I decided to do praying and fasting, I was not very serious about not eating food because I felt I couldn’t do it after many attempts. I thought I would get stomach ache which I often get when my tummy is empty. So it was really unbelievable for me when I was able to do it by God’s amazing help and sufficient grace. I admit that the main reason for me to do prayer and fasting was to plead to God for certain matters which I badly needed to bring to the Lord. But God had another plan. He didn’t want me to focus on the things I could get after I prayed. Prayer and fasting means to take our gaze away from our own self needs but to fix our eyes to the Lord, to the things He wants for us and from us, to everything that would bring Him all the glory and not just to get answers to our pleadings and prayers. He should be the focus of my prayer, His will and His glory. My requests are all secondary. Because of His loving-kindness and patience towards me He led me to the kind of prayer and fasting that would bring Him the glory. Amazingly, I almost forgot about my needs and I lost the desire to ask them from the Lord. I learned to surrender all to Him, my dreams, my heart, my worries, fears and burdens. It seemed that God took those away in my heart and replaced them with peace and joy in the midst of my unchanged circumstances. I don’t know how God instantly changed my heart there in the cabin. All I did was talk to Him and tell Him about everything that burdened me so much. He listened and He gave me what I needed. He gave me His presence that could melt all those fears and doubts. I thank the Lord for that moment. Indeed He is more than enough. After that experience, I didn’t want to ask God anything for myself but then He convicted me to pray for something. So before our days in the countryside ended, I presented my requests to God with a hopeful expectation that His plans will prevail and His will be done in my life. Thank You Jesus.
I picked these yellow flowers from the garden just outside the cabin and took many photos of these because I feel happy when I see yellow color. I think yellow is my happy color.
I did coloring too.
I waited for sunset and enjoyed watching it while talking to the One who created it.
I took a short morning walk.
Colored Hair
A day before my birthday I asked my childhood friend/neighbor Genalin to color my hair burgundy red. I love the result especially when the sun is on me. I planned to color my hair long time ago and it was just perfect time for my birthday. Yippee. One of many things I have discovered about myself is that I easily change my preferences of different things, it could be change of style or favorites. I couldn’t stand routines and repetitions. So I guess that’s the reason I turned my black hair to burgundy red. And it was not my first time to color my hair.
The only clear picture of my new hair color.
Baked Peanut Butter Banana Muffin
It was unplanned. After coloring my hair I got nothing to do in the afternoon. I found a useful recipe and ingredients so I decided to make a peanut butter banana muffin, which I was not able to take a photo of it with me making it. I don’t bake nor cook. I want to but I don’t even know how to operate an oven. It was a little achievement for me to be able to make a muffin and it turned out alright. One day I will learn how to bake and cook because a person who loves to eat and who wants to be a plain housewife must know the works in the kitchen. Right?
Photo from Pinterest and also the recipe. These muffins look very similar to mine.
Cover Song
I started perfecting my song after I baked the muffins and I recorded it the next day. I played the keyboard and it took me a awhile to master it though the chords are just easy. I just wanted to offer a song to God, my Maker. The song ‘He Knows My Name’ is very significant for me and just perfectly fit for my birthday. As my Maker, God deserves to be honored so this is all for Him. This was my worship song for Him on my birthday. I’m sure He liked it.
Just a snaphot from the video
Birthday Shoot
This is mainly for my birthday remembrance and for Christmas shoot as well. I wanted this kind of theme even long before and finally I was able to do it all by myself with a timer set up. It seems like I did it. Congrats to me. Haha. Anyway, I love photography. It’s one of the hobbies I am passionate about. I love taking pictures as well as keeping them so I can easily peek at memories of the past long forgotten.
These are just few of my shots with the help of camera timer, drum’s chair turned into tripod and books for support.
Devotional and Coffee Time
Just recently I started to love coffee so I made a special cup on my birthday, enjoying it while soaking in the Lord. God gave me His timely word in Psalm 144: 3-4 saying ‘O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them? For they are like a breath of air; their days are like passing shadow’. It reminds me to number my days aright and to make use of each day, glorifying, serving and praising Him all day long. My days are fleeting and time is passing by swiftly, one should not waste a single day doing things of no value but living and walking in God’s love and Presence, always doing the work of the Lord, His ultimate purpose for my life and that is to bring others to Christ, to honor God and make disciples by caring and praying for others. May I always have the desire to desire more of God than any pleasure on this earth. It amazes me that though I am just a passing shadow, God is mindful of me and among all His wonderful creation, humans are His greatest masterpiece. I am God’s masterpiece, created in His image. Then I know in my heart I am so loved by my Father.
Dinner With Family
The mandatory birthday dinner and gladly I had it with my family. Just family. I remember when I was still in Manila, I desire to spend my birthday with my family and I am just grateful that God allowed it. And of course how can a birthday be like without a cake? Big thanks to my sister for buying me a birthday cake. Also for my father dear for cooking all the food. Love my family to bits. God knows how much.
Coloring
Three months ago, my cousin gave me an adult coloring book but never had a chance to color at least a page and after my birthday dinner I colored it. This passage reminded me that my birth was all God’s plan and I am not a mistake. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He is not done with me yet fulfilling His purposes for me. For He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. Can’t wait to see the new and great things God will do in my life.
Wine and Friends
I had a very late visitors whom I enjoyed being with. We talked for hours while eating leftovers. It was already 3 in the morning when we called it off. I had a great time with my very simple yet most significant birthday celebration. I ended my day with a shot.
In everything, God must be my first. God must be my all. I thank the Lord for making me me. He did a wonderful work and still working on me. I praise You Father for every birthday, for my life and for making me Your own.
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